Ok, I gotta start this review by saying that the title of this book made me think about Fuzzy Lumpkins; you know, one of the bad guys in The Powerpuff Girls series, who had a banjo and constantly repeated “Get off my property!” This alone can easily get me into laughing mode, but let us proceed exploring this literary treasure.
To say this book was funny would be the mayor of Understatementville. This book was hilarious, pure gold! Let me introduce you to the man of the hour:
“Horse was handsome, like movie star handsome.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Horse:
“So why are you called Horse?”
“Cause I’m hung like one,” he replied, smirking
But…the macho is not what he seems to be:
“Just ’cause I’m the picture of manly perfection doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain.”
“He’d bet a thousand dollars she had no idea the top four buttons of her shirt had come undone, showing hell a lot of cleavage and the outline of her black bra.
His dick approved. It wanted to squeeze between those boobs and shoot out a pretty pearl necklace for her to wear.”
By the time I read this I had realized Horse was a funny guy. But this, this completely ruined me for other men. Anyways, I still need to introduce you to Marie. Here’s the first glimpse we get:
“I don’t know much about bikes, but I knew enough to recognize his.”
This female is an epitome of human intelligence. I knew it right then and there that I’ll pretty much hate this chick, but that would simply make me full of stereotypic prejudice like her. But let us proceed:
“I’m shamed to admit that I creamed my pants right then and there instead of kicking him in the nuts like a sensible girl.”
“My panties went moist, and I wiggled against his big tool, wondering if I’d lost my mind.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but I surely did lose my mind. Not sure if this is supposed to be turning me on, I hope not ’cause it sure ain’t working.
“She might be taller than me, but she was a frighteningly skinny thing who took her manicure way too seriously to get in a cat fight.” — I think this one talks on its own, so my comment here isn’t needed.
“The Harley was big and wide, and I had to spread my legs around his hips. My naughty bits didn’t miss the symbolism there.” — Guys, I’m the same age as our female lead here, and what you just read simply insults me.
So, Marie meets Horse because of his supposed working relation with her brother Jeff. It appears like Jeff is into some deep shit with Horse’s MC The Reapers, when Horse here decides to go full on good-samaritan mode and take Marie to live with him as some sort of
hostage motivation for Jeff to sort his shit out and pay the club for whatever he did. As you can guess, we’re taken into a swirl of horse sex, MC life and drama. Now seriously, all in all I liked this book. It was not completely centered around the two main characters and the horse sex they were having. It was nice to find out about the secondary characters as well, even though it would have been nicer to go deeper into what happened with Jeff for him to go bananas. There was some actual story there, even though it was a bit predictable. I’m pretty sure I won’t be re-reading this anytime soon, but it was a funny way to kill a couple of hours.